A Few Thoughts About Being Committed

For those of you who were able to come to see me speak in church yesterday, you've already heard most of this. While I was working on getting my papers in, I had a lot of people ask me what made me decide I wanted to serve a mission. Most of them were other girls who were trying to decide whether or not they should serve a mission. I was never sure what to say because the real answer to that is a bit personal and I don't feel like I can share it with just anybody yet. But here's the basic story of what caused me to decide for certain what I wanted to do, cut out straight from my talk:

Although I announced to my family only a short while after last October’s general conference that it was what I was going to do, I admit that I spent several months wondering whether or not I would really be going on a mission, even while I was in the process of getting my papers in. I had good feelings about going on a mission from the start, but certain questions and prayers I had on my mind that had so far gone unanswered made me wonder if it was the best thing for me. It reached the point near the end of my first semester at BYU Idaho that I needed to make a decision: either to stay in Rexburg for another semester and continue my education, or go home and earn the money I would need to pay for a mission. My prayers at this time went something like this: “Lord, if you will tell me what I should do, I will do it. Tell me which path is the right one, and I’ll take it.”

After still receiving no answers, I determined that I needed some extra help and received a blessing. I was told in that blessing that whichever decision I made was acceptable in the eyes of God. I admit that this was not the answer I wanted to hear. It did not make the decision I had to make any easier; in fact if anything it had made it harder. It was all well and good that both paths were alright, but I wanted to know which one was best, and I felt almost cheated that I wasn’t being told this, after being faithful and doing what I believed was everything I could do to be deserving of a proper answer. I think there are very few times in my life when I have ever felt more confused and afraid than I did during that time. I wanted to know what was ahead, and I didn’t want to make a firm decision until the tunnel was lit, so to speak, and I could see what was coming.

But as I continued on in finishing my papers and attending mission prep, I was blessed with an overwhelming feeling of love for those who were without the gospel. My mother has already told many people that when she asked what made me want to go on a mission, I told her, “Oh, I just love the people of Mississippi.” Even though I was joking, in a way this was the truth. When I began to think of the many people in the world who are in need of the light of the gospel, I knew that despite my doubts and fears, I had to serve a mission, even if the way remained unclear, even if I didn’t have all the answers or know what was going to happen. It was only after I made this commitment that answers to prayers I had been awaiting for many years finally started to come. The difference was like night and day. My doubts about serving a mission were gone. Where before the path ahead of me had seemed foggy and without direction, it was now clear.  

So I guess my best advice to those of you who aren't sure if you're supposed to serve a mission is that you just have to take the plunge. Girls, if God has something different in mind, he'll let you know before you go to far in the wrong direction. 

By the way, this is the last post I'll be writing from home! I'm headed for the MTC on Wednesday and I am SO excited! I know it's going to be hard but in a good way. A friend of mine was talking to me about his mission and he said, "I loved the downs because of the immense ups!" I really liked that. I believe if you have the right attitude and perspective the happy things will always outweigh the hard things.